Archive for the ‘RANDOMMINITY’ Category

Moral Dilemma: Peeing while you’re Cleaning?

Posted: May 2, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS
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Shower time. You feel great. The water’s at a perfect temperature. You step in. Out of nowhere, disaster strikes! Your bladder suddenly decides it’s full. Your shower is ruined as you’re faced with the moral dilemma of whether to pee in the shower or hold it until you’re all cleaned up, because there is no way in Hades’ Underworld that you’re stepping out of the shower just to go to the bathroom. (I passed my personal trainer certification test, by the way).

Peeing int he shower is a doozy of a moral issue because it’s like a secret reveal about yourself. No one has to know you let the flow go in the shower; that’s your secret. On the flip side, no one has to know you were faced with a monumental decision and chose the moral high ground. Sure, you can tell the world either way, if you don’t mind a few glares here and an empty corner as your sole companion (and a rather dull companion at that), but this is mostly between you (and maybe that wall).

So what do you do? This isn’t a 911 emergency call situation just yet; you could hold it if you had to, but it ruins your relaxing shower experience. You’ve had a hard day, you wanted to relax, maybe you were too lazy to draw a bath (insert crayon and pencil joke about drawing a bath because I’m too lazy to be that clever), or maybe you don’t have bathtub access, so you decided a shower would be the perfect mode of relaxation and release. But do you release everything?

Why wouldn’t you? There’s running water, just like in a toilet, and it’s all going into the same sewer drain. And it’s proven science that holding in your excretions is one of the worst decisions you could make, so why the howdy do would you willingly destroy your wee-time area for such a silly reason as upholding the moral fabric of society when society is fuh-freaking clueless in regards to your act of desecration? You silly person, you.

So you pee in the shower. Ahhhhhhhh baby, yes please. Fool! The apocalypse is one day closer because of your selfishness. Are you going to tell the next person who uses the shower that you peed in it? You know, waste products leave a residue, and some poor idiot is going to step in your soap scum and yellow snow-juice. What if you were that person. Oh sure, it’s fine if you stay ignorant, but if you just stepped in the shower and someone told you that they had wizzed in the shower not five minutes past, how would you feel? What if they had turned the water off before they’d released their nitrogenous river, meaning the liquid at the shower floor is not residual water, it’s someone’s pee. See how society unravels. This is why we can’t have nice things.

The decision to pee in the shower is ultimately a moral one, because there’s plenty of reasons for and against both sides of the situation. And you know what I do when faced with a moral issue? I ask myself “What would Batman do?” Without thinking too much about Batman peeing in the shower, I like to believe he’d hold it. He may even be so bold as to get out of the shower, but I doubt it because no one does that. Not even Batman. If you can pee in the shower, who knows what else you’re willing to do? Kill an old lady? Recite Shakespeare, ignoring the rules of iambic pentameter?  Poo with the door open?! Wizz away, but know that it’s a slippery slope, peeing in the shower, and you control the soap dispenser.

Random thoughts: “Soberrings?”

Posted: March 25, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS
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Hi there! Nice to “see” you again.

I’ve been a Rockstar today. Capital “R” Rockstar. I was a lowercase rockstar yesterday (fizzled out towards the end, I did). No need to go into details, but I’m awesome at my job and totally deserve a raise (the details being I totally did the work of two people today. Sucked? Yes. Awesome? Also yes). The raise is in talks, btw. Cross your fingers for me.

My lease ends on Sunday and I don’t know where my next apartment is. :S This has been a month of learning. For some crazy reason, I got the idea in my head that you can’t find an apartment in New York City more than a month prior to your move date, so I didn’t even begin my search until the 4th of March. As with all things, my procrastination led me to inquire and wait for responses. Wrong. I should’ve inquired and kept going, which I did after a week or two. After a couple dozen failed inquiries, I found a place that turned out to be the total opposite of what it advertised. Rather, it left out a lot of details. I was looking for my own apartment or maybe one roommate and I was about to get 4 roommates. Hello college without the perks. I continued my search with a week to go. I have a couple viewings tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me again.

Some people walk unnaturally slow and in a very subtle meander-like fashion. It’s Carnation Instant Annoyed for fast walkers and long-striders, of which I am both. No one anticipates my every move like these people. Cross your fingers that I can keep my cool. Patience, young one.

There’s been a number of people who have tried to converse with me this past week while I have my earbuds in. Okay, sometimes I’m not listening to anything, I just put them in so people leave me alone (Greenpeace), but most of the time I have something on as loud as possible without disturbing anyone because I want to drown out the world. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m very moody, and I frequently want to scream and run away. Introvert and whatnot. So I’m listening to some tunes and ignoring the world and suddenly someone’s shouting my name. Of course, it registered a few seconds prior to my responding that someone was attempting to gain my attention, but I hope they’ll give up, and if they don’t give up, then I make them work for my attention. Moody jerk.

I’ve been hooked on British television as of late….again. It comes in phases. This time it’s the 1970′s version of “Upstairs, Downstairs,” a “Downton Abbey” forerunner, and the original “Shameless” series (did you know that the US version is a rip-off of the UK version? Rip-off is a harsh term because they’re both really great shows). My love of UK TV probably stems from my determination to absorb the British culture so completely that I turn into a Brit meself. Shut up, it’s a realistic goal. Cross your fingers for me.

“The Great Purge” is what I call sorting through all your crap before you move and discarding all the junk you’ve collected and kept, and paring down your stuff to the absolute crap you can’t live without. That happened here this weekend. I can’t imagine having to move with everything I ended up throwing out. I have been accused of being a packrat, though. I just also have the ability to chuck things when I need to. Key concept: needs v. wants. Great for stress drinking.

Moving is a universally recognized source of stress. Member: “Hello! How was your weekend?!” Me: (long pause where I make a number of faces) “Stressful. I’m in the process of moving.” Member: “Say no more.”

Phantom scrapes, cuts, and bruises are your body’s challenge to deduce what you’ve been up to. Solution before problem. In summary: Your body = Moriarty, You = Sherlock Holmes

Chat at me: what do you want to see more of on this website? What do you want to see less of? Any topics to which I should bring my voice? This is a communal effort. Time to start building a community. I’ll be reaching out to my fellow writers and bloggers and blogging writers too….eventually. :)

PROCRASTINATORS FOREVER!

 

 

 

Sojourn in Bed: an un-incredible list of excuses for my recent absence

Posted: March 13, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS
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I’ve been on hiatus, which really comes down to I’ve been extremely lazy as of late and have been neglecting every part of my life in favor of playing video games and watching the Netflix. No studying, no writing, decreased workouts, and even decreased drinking (WHAAAAAT?!). You know something is wrong when my appetite for drinking is diminished. It doesn’t help that my schedule at work and all around routine keeps getting messed up and I’m in the middle of finding a new apartment because my lease ends in two weeks. My default coping mechanism for large amounts of stress tends to involve shutting myself in and pushing everything else out, which explains the lazy hiatus. In case you were wondering.

By no means do I intend to let this site plunge into darkness for months again, but daily or near-daily posts are probably going to take a while to resume. In addition to the aforementioned excuses, I was suffering from blogging enuii. Half of my posts seemed trivial to me (including Drunkennings), and the other half was a bit strong natured for me to write about all the time. I figured, if I didn’t want to write about religion and morality and the human condition all the time, you probably didn’t want to read it all the time. So what was I left with? Disturbed Personas, for sure (I find that enjoyable and I have some exciting plans for the series), but not much else. Why post if it’s not worth posting, I thought? What good, what relevance, comes from posting about my crappy day? How often can I really scold humanity for erring? How much can I really talk about religion (which is funny because I’m not religious in the least, and generally tout my dislike for organized religion)? And if half of my blog is devoted to drinking, what the hell do I do if I’m not drinking?

Crisis = extreme stress = total avoidance.

It’s amazing how good one can get at compartmentalizing life in the worst ways. I can shut out feelings, I can shut out life, but I am terrible at compartmentalizing days. Waking up leads to working leads to going home leads to going to bed, repeat. It’s living in the most blurry way. I’m a pretty neat person, I should be able to segment my day a little better. Wake up and get ready. Go to work. Work is done, switch gears. Work out. Write. Study. Do chores. Little bit of time for video games/Netflix. Go to bed. Repeat, with minor, manageable variances. Nothing in life worth doing is easy, but being lazy feels so damn good.

Anyway, I have plenty to do and plenty more I want to be doing. Conflicts and overlaps of interest and whatnot. See you soon.

Grab that Dialect!: natural v. acquired speech

Posted: March 4, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY
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It can easily be said that I am a man of many complexes (who isn’t, except of course, women, who are women of many complexes). I’ve always had a fondness for the British dialect, and in college I got the chance to learn British RP (“Received Pronunciation,” or the dialect used prior to the 1930′s, or the fancy elegant Titantic/Downton Abbey high class speakery.) It was like we were meant for each other; I nearly mastered the accent in less than a jiffy.

Prior to this, I had always enjoyed slipping into a British accent every now and then, but once British RP entered my life, I occasionally slipped into British without intention. I’m weird, so I’ve never found this very odd, but I can’t say the same for everyone else.

Most recently, in fact, a coworker at the club ordered some food. “Aw’right,” was my response. “Did you just have an Australian accent?” “It happens,” said I. “Are you part Australian?” “Neope, I just slip into accents every once in awhile.” (I’ve advanced to several other accents in addition to British.)

Cover of "Fargo (Special Edition)"

Cover of Fargo (Special Edition)

Now, I know that I’m not the only one that adopts a foreign manner of speaking, because my own mother has a tendency to slip into what we in the midwest call the “Minnesotan Accent.” Basically, just watch the movie Fargo. What I wonder, then, is how long things can progress before the accidental slips become part of your permanent speech. My own speech has been slightly altered by my ramblings, and I believe my mother’s has been altered as well. I think it’s wonderful, and I’m quite determined to have my own British accent by the time I die.

I’ve heard it said that when you move to a foreign country, you never really lose your original accent, but you do pick up bits and pieces of the local dialect. Assimilation of sorts. Is it possible, then, with today’s small world society, that we can naturally change our speech without having to leave home? Oh the wonders of modern science.

My task to you: listen to the way other’s speak and try to guess where they’re from. My theory is that there are a great number of people who’s speech differs from their original region of inhabitance. The next question would be: are those differences put on or naturally occurring? Newscasters and actors all change their dialects, but when does assimilation enter the equation? Give it a shot; I think it to be an interesting experiment.

Related Articles (Words and Slurs):

Clear the barracks, I smell a gas-canister of posts coming!

Posted: February 9, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY
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Well crap. It’s been a few days since I posted. I tried yesterday, but I was at work and it got busy, so I never finished the post about coffee being morning’s foreplay or talking about how it was snowing in the city. It was amazing, by the way. The snow, not the coffee foreplay. Well, that was pretty good too. ANYWAY.

In celebration of my mishap, I’m getting us back on track today with three, oh yeah to my what, three posts. What posts, you ask? Don’t interrupt me, I say. A random post, a new Disturbed Personas, and a new Drunkennings, plus this post explaining it all, which makes four. BONUS. (Actually, without doing the math, I think I’m one day behind in postings. There was a day a couple of weeks ago that I think I flat out skipped and never double posted to make up for it.) So now I’m making up for it.

This is going to be fun, especially because it’s 5 pm already. I am going to face slap you with posts and you’re going to love every painful second of it.

Get ready. You’re welcome.

English: Cute coffee.

Spoiler alert! Exciting news for Words and Slurs dot com

Posted: January 30, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY
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Getting to WordsandSlurs is now ten times easier, unless you’ve already bookmarked us, in which case telling your friends how to get to WordsandSlurs just got ten times easier! No longer do you have to sweat away precious seconds typing in the “.wordpress” portion of the domain name; just type in wordsandslurs.com and you’re here! And I was beginning to think you’d gotten lost!

Stop working and spend a little more time here; those expense reports can wait. And while you’re at it, start telling your friends to visit more.

Wordsandslurs.com

    • It’s easy.
    • It’s amusing, borderline funny sometimes (a very loose borderline, but we take what we can get).
    • Two original series:
      • Disturbed Personas: a fiction series about odd people with strange behavior behaving strangely
      • Drunkennings “drunk happenings”: a series about drunken babble blogging
    • Daily blog posts
    • Moody drunk author with a cheerful disposition… (not all that unique except for the cheerful part, which is somewhat true?)

Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. A pretty crappy post for anyone who was waiting for something more exciting than the fact that I have an AWESOME DOMAIN NAME, but to make it up to you, here’s the singing Skittles bunny commercial from yesteryear that is one of the best commercials ever made:

I’m tired and especially moody and I need to go to bed. Until tomorrow, you’re welcome.

Log cat, Spacefall of a man, coinage: randomminity aka Procrastination

Posted: January 17, 2013 in RANDOMMINITY
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Check out this cat on a log:

Cat On A Log

Cat On A Log (Photo credit: Jim Linwood)

 

Now check out this freefall from space (and watch for the “no big deal” landing):

 

And this is a Penny:

Penny struggles to free the Devil's Eye diamon...

Penny struggles to free the Devil’s Eye diamond from a pirate’s skull. The producers carefully designed every shot of the scene to raise the tension. Smith, D: “Animal Heroes”, page 80. Disney: The Ultimate Visual Guide, 2002 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Okay, now I have to go study.

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