Shower time. You feel great. The water’s at a perfect temperature. You step in. Out of nowhere, disaster strikes! Your bladder suddenly decides it’s full. Your shower is ruined as you’re faced with the moral dilemma of whether to pee in the shower or hold it until you’re all cleaned up, because there is no way in Hades’ Underworld that you’re stepping out of the shower just to go to the bathroom. (I passed my personal trainer certification test, by the way).
Peeing int he shower is a doozy of a moral issue because it’s like a secret reveal about yourself. No one has to know you let the flow go in the shower; that’s your secret. On the flip side, no one has to know you were faced with a monumental decision and chose the moral high ground. Sure, you can tell the world either way, if you don’t mind a few glares here and an empty corner as your sole companion (and a rather dull companion at that), but this is mostly between you (and maybe that wall).
So what do you do? This isn’t a 911 emergency call situation just yet; you could hold it if you had to, but it ruins your relaxing shower experience. You’ve had a hard day, you wanted to relax, maybe you were too lazy to draw a bath (insert crayon and pencil joke about drawing a bath because I’m too lazy to be that clever), or maybe you don’t have bathtub access, so you decided a shower would be the perfect mode of relaxation and release. But do you release everything?
Why wouldn’t you? There’s running water, just like in a toilet, and it’s all going into the same sewer drain. And it’s proven science that holding in your excretions is one of the worst decisions you could make, so why the howdy do would you willingly destroy your wee-time area for such a silly reason as upholding the moral fabric of society when society is fuh-freaking clueless in regards to your act of desecration? You silly person, you.
So you pee in the shower. Ahhhhhhhh baby, yes please. Fool! The apocalypse is one day closer because of your selfishness. Are you going to tell the next person who uses the shower that you peed in it? You know, waste products leave a residue, and some poor idiot is going to step in your soap scum and yellow snow-juice. What if you were that person. Oh sure, it’s fine if you stay ignorant, but if you just stepped in the shower and someone told you that they had wizzed in the shower not five minutes past, how would you feel? What if they had turned the water off before they’d released their nitrogenous river, meaning the liquid at the shower floor is not residual water, it’s someone’s pee. See how society unravels. This is why we can’t have nice things.
The decision to pee in the shower is ultimately a moral one, because there’s plenty of reasons for and against both sides of the situation. And you know what I do when faced with a moral issue? I ask myself “What would Batman do?” Without thinking too much about Batman peeing in the shower, I like to believe he’d hold it. He may even be so bold as to get out of the shower, but I doubt it because no one does that. Not even Batman. If you can pee in the shower, who knows what else you’re willing to do? Kill an old lady? Recite Shakespeare, ignoring the rules of iambic pentameter? Poo with the door open?! Wizz away, but know that it’s a slippery slope, peeing in the shower, and you control the soap dispenser.